Growing Up

Read My Mind Again

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Reciepts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

12-9-07

 

try and read my mind again–

I said I love you in a sales receipt:

 

I bought your love

– cigarette, 3:00am confession

The cost was cheap

+ two year’s insurance increases my return.

 

I love you, I said it…

return fee = one burning blanket.

 

Wanting Comfortable (Or not Getting Over It)

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First love was hard to get over.

Click Comfortable by John Mayer to listen while you read.

This song described everything so perfectly when M would play it.  I could’ve sworn my ex was singing about me when he’d play this on the guitar so often when we would hang out!  At least, I wanted him to be…

I felt so strongly when I finally realized I was in love for the first time, didn’t you?

8-23-07

If he meant what he sang then she’ll finish the last line.

If he knows what she means than it might just be comfy.

If you read between the lines, I swear she’ll write you another.

broken English, stolen love songs,  I’m a waiting blanket;

please give me another.

 

Remembering the Cotton Candy

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Courtesy of fedupusa.org

Courtesy of fedupusa.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4-22-07

Pink

Cotton candy memory of nights spent with you,

I can only hold onto it for so long.

The pinkness of first love and kisses

Marching next to Tomorrow of simple white and blue.

 

 

Sweet smiles are temperate;

Sweet kisses, shorter than that.

My hand is grasping, holding, waiting

Yours is just (still) out for something new.

 

 

How long can I wait,

How long can I hold on

For my pink dreams to reappear

And my white and blue to just become true.

 

 

But my dreams look more like memories now

and my fingers stick together

It would’ve been sweet; it would’ve been pink,

It would’ve been could’ve been short breaths and crazy coo ~of you.

 

 

So when do (did) I let go

And say enough’s enough,

Stop this dreamy hope

And decide the pink’ll do.

The Thought of you

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Figuring it all out.

4-6-07

Loneliness

My motivation for so much more than I want it to be.

I’m independent, yeah.  But when I sit and my date won’t answer her phone all I think are crazy thoughts.  My desire for you, for someone, for anyone drives me to be desperate.  And believe me that’s the last thing I ever want.

My cool calm plan is blown out the window because I just want you to love me, and I always think you might not.  I want to be cherished, to be wanted not needed…but isn’t this just me, needing you.

It’s not you actually.  Don’t get confused.  I mean I like you, But I want you to be there for me.  To rub my feet; kiss my sweetly, but not long.  Hold my hand and smile at me. Bring me coffee in the morning.  Surprise me.  I just want you.

And right now that shape takes a form but you know I don’t expect you to be this.  It’s just this desire inside me and I can’t pretend it’s not there and since you fill my shape I might get you confused with my you sometimes.  I don’t mean to, but I think I do want to.

So I sit alone in my room and I just want you to call; but I don’t, cause you’re not him.  But I do….because I guess you are.

And this sudo name of “casual” is new for me, but I like it, love it in fact.  It’s just hard to get used to and “a girl’s gotta dream,” right?Image