whats the deal

12-27-06

So God whats the deal?

I feel like I’m getting screwed here and I don’t really know why

I’ve just had this string of bad shit happen to me, and I don’t get it

I don’t even get you sometimes

But its not you, its this weird culture

It’s the Christian ease that sticks to me when I wade through it all the time

It’s the judging and imagery and just everything I hate about “Christianity”

I feel like we’re almost as bad as the Catholics in Spain

We’ve made ourselves so many verbal relics that we don’t know we’re worshiping culture; we are following a stigma of Christian protocol, not Jesus.

So where does that lead me?

Does this Jesus figure that I’ve seen painted all over Europe really be acting in my life?

Can someone that’s been used for so many crimes still hold hope?

I want to think so, but I wont believe in a fairy tale either.

If so many people, a whole culture, are fine without him, then what can that mean.

I don’t really want to have these questions, but I just cant lip sink my life to a Carmen song anymore.

God I dont want to doubt you.  I really do love you, I know you exist.  I just think I’ve lost my faith in American Christian culture, or maybe even in Christianity; and I don’t really know what to do about it.  But I still love you Jesus…maybe even more then before.  Cause this time its not to be a better Christian, to impress somebody else, or to follow along and not rock the boat.

Spain, just look at what you’ve done to me.

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