Clear

5-27-08

I want you to get it.
I apologize that we have been a bit –blageau (cloudy) [unclear] translucent.
 
Come into these words. I want you to understand them.
You may misconstrue, misread or misinterpret; just don’t neglect to get in it.
Feel it to its full comprehension.
Let your fingers sink in the substance and dig around.
 
Because I really want you to feel,
I cant let a chance to touch something solid pass us by.
 
When I write I always want it to be significant,
I like when it rocks my perception—makes my thoughts open up.
Sometimes I just let the words run wild.
I skip back to it and I’ve just realized you have no clue what I’m talking about.
 
I think you need to feel it too.
I’m not looking for a shared experience…I guess I’m just looking to share.
 
So take my apology for every over-thought apostrophe, every idea so surreal Dali couldn’t paint it. 
It’s more important that you are touching it than passing your eyes over top of big, insignificant words.
 
“Draw me unto you and we will run together,”
I will be clear and you can really get it.

Clear

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The Thought of you

Figuring it all out.

4-6-07

Loneliness

My motivation for so much more than I want it to be.

I’m independent, yeah.  But when I sit and my date won’t answer her phone all I think are crazy thoughts.  My desire for you, for someone, for anyone drives me to be desperate.  And believe me that’s the last thing I ever want.

My cool calm plan is blown out the window because I just want you to love me, and I always think you might not.  I want to be cherished, to be wanted not needed…but isn’t this just me, needing you.

It’s not you actually.  Don’t get confused.  I mean I like you, But I want you to be there for me.  To rub my feet; kiss my sweetly, but not long.  Hold my hand and smile at me. Bring me coffee in the morning.  Surprise me.  I just want you.

And right now that shape takes a form but you know I don’t expect you to be this.  It’s just this desire inside me and I can’t pretend it’s not there and since you fill my shape I might get you confused with my you sometimes.  I don’t mean to, but I think I do want to.

So I sit alone in my room and I just want you to call; but I don’t, cause you’re not him.  But I do….because I guess you are.

And this sudo name of “casual” is new for me, but I like it, love it in fact.  It’s just hard to get used to and “a girl’s gotta dream,” right?Image

In This

Photo by _urbanizr. Some rights reserved.

Photo by _urbanizr. Some rights reserved.

4-2-07

It’s in these moments that I live,

When life is so real that all I can do is breath.

In and out, in and out.

When my heart aches too much to speak.

When my best friend can only cry over the phone.

When I like you, and our lips touch…

When I smile, because no one is watching .

When I can dream about perfect, because it definitely is not.

My eyes shut and I am alive.

Breathing in, breathing out.

(Maybe that’s why we like kissing so much

Because our mouths are stopped and all we can do is breath.)

It’s in these moments that I live,

When the breaths are all I can think of.

Glassy Dreams Melting

Innocent thoughts and first kisses.  Still a sweet memory to look back on. I guess reality was not so bad. 🙂

3-30-07

He was perfect; then I kissed him.

Glassy dreams melting within the span of one spring break

It was spontaneous and oh so much crazy unthought out feelings of “I like you” and an implied “you’re perfect”

Then I kissed you, and it was perfect

Sleepy heads staying too close.  Breathing breaths to catch with your inhale.

Not caring that it was 4 and I had a test the next day;

cause when you love, midterms don’t matter.

So I kissed you, you and your silly smile and me and my giggle

It was slimy and we both laughed.

Then one of us (I can’t remember which one) woke us up to real life

and you drove me home to sleep.

I went to sleep with a smile, but I woke up with reality

He was perfect; then I kissed him.

Dreaming and Kisses

Remembering when I liked my dreams better than reality? …Sometimes I still do.

3-27-07

So I kissed a boy in the rain today.

For some reason the thought was so much better than the actual carrying out.

So why is it that we dream?  We imagine this ridiculously romanticized situation and we want it to happen.

I guess I might dream it up because it can happen, I can kiss a boy in the rain and it would be wonderful right.  But then when I get to the actual doing it’s never the same.  I mean it’s nice it’s just not “perfect;” its just not fairy tale feelings and perfect conversation.  It’s awkward and off time and I’m actually getting kinda cold.

So maybe I dream it just because it can never really happen.  I will never have a perfect moment.  As beautiful and spontaneous and crazy as life can be, that scene in my head is just impossible; and I think that’s why I love it so much.

If we could really live out our dreams then what would be the point of having them.  If perfect-cute-wonderful really is going to literally sweep me off my feet then why should I dream about it?  I would just go do it, right?

So I didn’t kiss a boy in the rain…I just dreamed about it.

And my crazy thought of realization is that that might’ve just been better.